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I take shits that are one foot long… about 5 times a week. I also poop at least two times a day. And I poop real fast. It is seriously as long as I take a pee. In fact, if there is a line at the women’s room and I go in… I come right out and they think “Oh, that girl is a fast pee’er. But why does it smell in here?”
That is because I am a fast pooper. In fact, it probably takes me longer to wipe than it does to release.

I’ve talked to many people about their bowel movements… mostly close friends and people who are as open as I am…

So .. the conclusion of this story is………

I must be healthy. Just sayin’.


There are so many things that a person hides and does no express.. how the hell can we judge so harshly. Honestly. The most hurting judgment is when you know someone and the content on their situation. You will hear the truth. The hurting truth is that you are doing something to hurt someone else. People need to do, go through what they need to go through and they are on a level that is not yours. So weather you THINK you know better or not.. let them go through it and see for themselves. Some people will never reach that understanding. There are also other situations that I am not mentioning because I am obviously making this such a generalized statement. I try to hard not to judge people. I do it though.(This is my thinking process throughout my day, being conscious of how much a judge a situation..) Honestly, when I do it I keep it internalized most of the time. I am really careful about what I say because most of the time I am completely relate on some level. Some situations are so out there and agreed that it feels okay to agree. That’s when I feel bad.. because it’s true to ME. I feel like I take others problems and make them my own… thinking about a judgement.. throwing it away.. sticking up for them… feeling bad because I believe it’s wrong in the first place to judge them… then it’s a loop. All I care about is that I love you and then the end. And though I judge….. forgive me I’m a human being too.

 All I’m saying is that if you talk or you don’t… these thoughts you have are there. You either express it (gossip) or it is in your own mind. You feed the wolf either way. Just remember to add that you aren’t perfect either. It leaves such an extraordinary understanding in this world. And to be honest.. I see the majority of people I meet doing that. So that makes me feel like I know extraordinary people. In fact.. almost every single one.

It was so awesome visiting home again. I love everyone so much. I wish that I had more time. More time to bullshit. More time to be me. I felt spread so thin but so happy all this wonderful stuff was going on around me. It’s not about me. I love my mom and Joe. I am so happy she has found someone to fit her like a puzzle. I love that she fell in love with her best friend. I love seeing her in her element.

I love everyone. When you move away, it really puts into perspective that people who mean so much to you. You really could take people for granted. I loved everyone but I never realized how MUCH I REALLY LOVE THEM. SO MUCH. And if that can’t be enough I do not know what is. I’m rich bitches. 

I wish I saw more people that I love but there just was not enough time. I can tell you one thing… being there made me realize my home really is here because this place is really where my heart wanders. I came home and felt home. I am so excited to do all the things I need to do tomorrow. I am so excited to go back to work and see kids and people I love. I have really never taken anyone for granted but now I can really pick wisely who I surround myself with. Nobody knows me. I love that. Nobody can really judge me. I also can’t judge them. That is what I really love living in a bigger city.

  I look at people with more understanding. I have always done that… but I feel less alone and that is we do together. That is the vibe I get here. People are understanding each other more. Now I do not know if it is a generalized thing here or the people I surround myself with but whatever it is.. I love it. This is where I am and where I want to be. I am growing so much. So are people who are not with me here. I can tell you one thing.. I feel like these connections I have will never go away. And that is what my realization was. How awesome. And I never really knew how much I was loved.

Also… I feel like I feel and see such positive relationships around me. I am telling you.. if you put that love out with out judgement, you will get that back. And there are some weary situations in which I couldn’t read. That is okay. I then did not read into them. Some people’s intentions are very hard to understand. Obviously I don’t connect to them on some level!
   It is nice to make your environment from scratch. You never realize how much people love you until your gone. You never realize what you value until you search for friends like you are on e-harmony. I was so lonely until I started to make friends. Having a boyfriend is one thing…. but there is more than a boyfriend. There is me! My own identity. That loneliness created a solitude in my inner self. Now I know what that feels like. Now I know what kind of people I want to surround myself with. Having one love is not enough! I love too many people!!!!!!!

Oh! I don’t even know why I have a tumblr anymore. I think this has become a personal journey for me. I don’t type in journals like I do when I was younger. I can’t wait to go home this week and see people that I love. I love so many people. I really thought about this deeply. There are so many people who I love. There are people that I love that I will see when I go and there are people who I love on a deep level who I won’t. Who I choose to see are people that I love….. but the people who I don’t have time to see it is only a factor of time. In fact, a lot of people that I see is due to convenience on how our schedules flow together. Just like real life. Just like the friends I am making now!  I value having one close friend, boy or girl that likes the same interests as me and loves exploring. So that is what I look for in a friend most of the time. That is what drags me close. All the other stuff like values, morals I just tend to accept or just think they are weirdos. Which is okay. Because hey. I am a weirdo too. And most of the time.. I do find someone similar. Seriously it took months to make friends who really, really connected with me.

I feel very happy where I am in life. I never want to move back. I think the way I live now fits my values and what I like to do. If I lived in back where I was………. there would be so many barriers and influences that would block my development time. COOL! Everyone should find themselves. Figure out what makes them feel good. Some people never do. It could be simple as having a routine in the night to put a face mask on and drink some tea. It could be in a microscopic scale…. it could be your career in aiding teens to stop smoking crack. Whatever it is… big or small… find dat shit.

When I am lying on my death bed I refuse to have one of my regrets being that of me wishing I hadn’t doubted myself so much and that I was more confident. I obviously accomplish most of the goals that I am set out to do.. so why is this lingering low self-worth hovering over me head? Fuck that shit. It’s too stressful. Phew. Life is too short. I do not know why I did not feel this sooner……. especially since I proved so much to myself in the last year. I adapted to a lot of change . I have dealt with a lot of stress, both good and bad. I just don’t have the energy to focus to negatively on self doubt and  I FINALLY have the wisdom to realize that this self-doubt is bullshit. Duh! Good things come to some effort. And it’s hard for me NOT to put in effort. What’s the point if I don’t?? 


What is a BEST friend to you? What makes you best friends? Why? What is the connection you share?

I hate bitching… but I am so sick of the facebook aura, spiritual, charkara, energy flowing hippidy dippity we are conscious beings evolving bull shit. They had a god damn article on being an “empath”. Do you know what qualities you must have to be a frickin “empath”. Basically quality traits that every human being has. But for some reason we have to take what some could say traits of an introvert and turn it into some metaphysical hippie dippy bull shit and put a name to it. It really annoys me. And it really annoys me the people who preach about this stuff. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW! And I understand science can back it up but I’d like to point out that science is observed by human beings.. and if it’s observed by a human being who thinks they are deeply evolved spirituality (whatever that means..) and are an “empath” themselves, yeah, they will find any bullshit evidence to back that up.


Oh yeah, I’m guilty of sharing some of the articles. I guess sometimes it is interesting….. But to an extent. Just read about the people who write the articles.

I love mountains. They are my favorite part of this earth. I want to live in a mountain town, on top of a mountain. I love painting mountains. I love drawing mountains. I freaking love mountains!!!!!!!!!!


I have a mannequin that we’re using for the movie, I should like set it up and dress it up in the sweaters

mannequins are useful for car pool lanes! 

You will meet those weirdo’s in life who are just happy to be happy. Don’t question it. Don’t analyze their intention. Just shut the fuck up and observe and listen to them. They teach you a lot. And if you are lucky…. you will listen. I am learning so much by listening and observing happiness that is around me. This is the only advice I give anybody in life right now. Letting others happiness rub off onto you.